I’ve always been deeply affected by events and interactions that other people seem to be able to shrug off. This is something I’ve struggled with my entire life and, for years, I never understood why I was this way. I take a long time to relax after being in a crowd, watching an intense movie or dealing with excitable or difficult people. Pretty much any situation that is outside of my calm, controlled environment requires immediate escape and decompression. I’ve always marveled at those who seem to be so unaffected and, over the years, I’ve tried very hard to just let things roll off.
The problem?
I’m just not wired that way, and any attempt to act as though I’m not bothered when I really am is both futile and exhausting. So, being the introspective and determined person that I am, I began researching to find out why I am this way and how to get a handle on the unnecessary mental duress I often experience.
I quickly learned that I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Yep, it’s actually a thing. There is some great information out there for HSPs and I’ve devoured and embraced most of it. I was glad to understand why I was so internally affected by external forces, yet I still felt that my interactions with people should not leave me so anguished.
Then, one day as I was searching for a weekly quote for my office letter board, this one slapped me in the face:
And there it was.
I realized that I was not merely bothered by my interactions with others; I was actually suffering because of them. More importantly, I was choosing to suffer! Who does that? Being an HSP is one thing—it’s how God made me and I own it–but taking things personally is quite another, especially considering that I interact with people daily, and each interaction has the potential to end quite well or very poorly. I realized that if I didn’t make a change, the odds of consistently having positive and fulfilling interactions were not in my favor.
Most people mean well and would never be intentionally offensive, so if I choose to take their words personally, than I am the one who has a problem. Other people are just difficult, so if that person says something that I choose to take personally, than guess what? I am still the one who has a problem! You see, in both cases, I am the common denominator and my response determines whether I give my power away or keep it.
I’ll choose “keep it” for $500, Alex.
So, I’m heeding the words of the Good Book, “Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, and it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense [without seeking revenge and harboring resentment]”. Proverbs 19:11.
The Result
I’m practicing not taking things personally and’m glad to say I’ve had immediate, positive results. Now, I have in no way perfected this, so if you choose to try me, things still have the potential to go south. However, I am embracing this concept and I like what I’m seeing both in myself and others–even those that I once allowed to get under my skin.
So, what do you think? Do you struggle with taking things personally? Are you letting others control you? Are you ready to take your power back?
Warning: this is not an easy thing to master! Should you choose to put this into practice, be gracious and patient with yourself.
If, like me, you need a little help from above, consider the following verses:
- …be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger James 1:19
- A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute. Proverbs 15:18
- He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. Proverbs 16:32
Powerful words. Thank you.
When I initially began to read your post, I paused to give myself time to linger in your prose. One would think that a good idea; however, this time I should have plowed through. Earlier today, a person commented for the 3rd time about a mark I have on my nose. My internal response was frustration, shock, and frankly anger. My knee-jerk visceral response whenever I get my feelings hurts is to respond: share the event with a friend, ruminate on the nerve of some people, or visualize a solid throat-punch. All of which happened today.
I am more evolved that the previous list of responses. I am a well-read, educated, Christian woman who let her response to someone else’s individual agenda circumvent … me.
Okay, so back to the Four Agreements, the Book of Phillipians, and self control.
And, I intend to embrace my sensitivities as well as have strategies in place to protect and love myself.
Appreciate your thoughtfulness and vulnerability!
I always take what people say personally and automatically get on the defense. However, since your comment to me years ago that your dad passed on to you, “two ears one mouth”! It has taught me especially in my work life to slow down and hear what is being said, process it before giving a reaction or comment if warranted at all. I too am still a work in progress but I’m glad because I’m still refining myself like a fine wine. Heehee love you friend
Thank you for reminding me about that! I love the memories this blog is sparking as well as the phenomenal people I shared them with! 💕